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Useless Creatures Brewing Company

May 12, 2023

  • 41 N. Main Street
  • Three Rivers, MI 49093
  • (269) 
  • Website
  • Menu

L had a birthday party at a friend’s house in Texas Township a couple of Saturday’s ago. The rest of us didn’t have plans. I did some yard work and cleaned up around the house but that was about it. J was just going to drop L off and come home.

I asked if she’d want to go to dinner. She was driving south anyway and there’s a brewery in Three Rivers we haven’t been to yet. The menu looked solid so why not.

J had to get something from her mom who lives near Centreville. I suggested just seeing if they wanted to join us for dinner. I don’t think they had been to this brewery yet either so I assumed they’d be interested.

Useless Creatures Brewing Company is on Main Street in downtown Three Rivers. We had been to this building before when Kelsey Block Brewing Company occupied the space. The building is a large three story brick building claimed to be the oldest in Three Rivers. The street level space is divided in to three storefronts. Kelsey Block only took up the middle but Useless Creatures makes use of on of the spaces as well.

We drove down Main Street assuming we’d be able to park there but we assumed wrong. All the street parking was full so I went around to the back of the building where there is a municipal lot. It was raining pretty hard so we ran to the back entrance which is across a little foot bridge. There’s a basement level to the buildings on this side of Main Street you can’t see from the street side but there is access out to a little grassy area behind the buildings.

We got there just after the 4:00 opening time and were kind of surprised to see the restaurant already pretty full. Not much has changed with the layout from Kelsey Block. There is a fresh coat of paint on the walls in Useless Creatures colors and they’ve added some pictures on the wall. There is a table at both the front and back entrances with menus to pick up on your way in.

Ordering is done at the bar. We waited for J’s parents to get there and once everyone had looked over both the drink and food menus, I wrote everyone’s order down on the notes in my phone and headed to the corner of the bar to put it in.

My first beer pick was the BBA Smoked Stout. The beer is Useless Creatures If You Don’t Like My Fire smoked stout that is aged in bourbon barrles from Iron Fish Distillery in Thompson, MI. I liked smoked stouts and I like anything aged in a bourbon barrel. This one didn’t last long. It was tasty.

J’s pick was a cider. She got the Cherry Apple Cider which is exactly what it sounds like.

I went back after we got our food to get a second beer. This time I picked The Big Yellow One’s The Sun which is their New England IPA. The beer is a pretty crushable hazy IPA. Really juicy…really good.

The food menu at Useless Creatures is soooooo much better than what Kelsey Block offered. Even without the beer, this place would be worth stopping at.

I picked the Regular Smash Burger. It comes with two burger patties, American cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles, and creature sauce. I added bacon for an additional $2. The burgers had that great crispiness around the edges but was fall apart tender all the way through. The bacon was crispy as were the pickles. The creature sauce was some kind of mayo…similar to a Mac sauce. There was a little too much only because it made the sandwich a little messy. It was fine..still not a big sauce guy. The sandwich comes with chips but I substituted for waffle fries (another $2).

J was all in on the grille cheese selections. They go from pretty simple (a regular grilled cheese with a side of tomato soup) to the fancy…which is what J ordered. She got the Apple & Bacon grilled cheese. The sandwich is mozzarella and cheddar cheeses with apple slices, bacon, and served with a honey mustard. She also upgraded to the waffle fries for a couple bucks extra. J likes pretty much any grilled cheese that isn’t a grilled cheese I made…so yeah, she liked this one.

We were going to get the regular grilled cheese for B but he said he didn’t want it…because my kids have to be difficult when we’re eating out. He just wanted the Giant Soft Pretzel and cheese..which is usually L’s order..but L wasn’t with us so B took over for her.

As the name implies, the pretzel is giant. It was way more than he was going to eat but that was fine. We took it home and I tossed it in the air fryer later. The pretzel comes with Everything Bagel seasoning which B didn’t love but he didn’t make a big deal about it either. My kids never use the cheese sauce or honey mustard that comes with pretzels so I always take it for my fries.

We were about to call it a meal but J’s mom wanted to try dessert. Useless Creatures is owned by the son of the familiy that owns Riviera Theater across the street. Riviera Theater always has amazing desserts and cheesecakes so J’s mom was really looking forward to trying something from Useless Creatures.

We got the Giant Dessert Pretzel because it was something the five of us could share. The pretzel is the same pretzel B had with his meal but it’s covered with cinnamon & sugar. A cup of cream cheese frosting is served alongside it. The size of the pretzel was an advantage here since there was five of us. It was as tasty as a soft pretzel covered with cinnamon sugar should be.

I had to take B to the restroom at this point and I told everyone else not to leave because I hadn’t paid the tab yet. My Mother-In-Law paid while I was gone. That wasn’t the intention of me saying anything…I just didn’t want them to think I had already paid and leave while I was with B. Since she paid, I don’t know how much our meal was but I’m guessing it was easily over $100 for the five of us.

Useless Creatures Brewing Company is a great spot for dinner and drinks in downtown Three Rivers. They do both sides of their menu very well which is always a plus. It’s great to have delicious beer but places that also put effort in to the food side of things usually last a little longer.

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